Diablos Tour part II

24 hours to kill in Akron, OH. What to do first? Actually, an old friend and former bandmate now lives and works in Cleveland so I decide to go have lunch with him, while John spends the tour budget playing Tetris in his hotel room, Travis goes shopping, and Josh deals with his plugged ear.
I meet Frank out for a nice lunch. He's an attorney now - a far cry from his college days of dreadlocks, skateboards and cheap cigarettes. We were in an above average ska pop band with a terrible name in college. The picture on the right is the two of us in 2001. the picture on the left is Frank in 2005, all growed up. He and his wife have a new baby, as do my wife and I. So basically we spent 2 hours talking about diapers, vomit, sleep deprivation and drool. Such is the rock n' roll lifestyle.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Josh has been searching frantically all day for a remedy for his ear problem. Someone suggested ear candles to him, to help declog the wax build up. What are ear candles you ask? Just as the name implies, they are paper and wax candles that you stick in your ear and light on fire. The fire creates a vaccum in the hollow of the candle, and the pressure change sucks the wax out of your ear. Fascinating and gross. Well, Josh's search is in vain. Seems not one of the massive box stores that surround our hotel carry said items. I thought Wal Mart had everything...
About 8pm we head out to dinner and the club. We're playing at a place in Kent, Oh called The Outpost. It's no where near downtown, so we're already skeptical. As hopeful insurance we call and ask Pat Sweany to sit in with us. So even if no one shows we can hang out with him and get drunk again. Also, as if fated by God, Pat keeps ear candles in his van to help ease the exact problem that's plaguing Josh. What an incredible coincidence! This is a photo of Josh using the ear candle just prior to the show. NOTE: it doesn't help at all, but it's facinating to behold all the same.

So, showtime falls and, as we suspected, no one shows. Actually, to be fair, one of our biggest fans makes the scene: Rob from Ohio. Rob saw us the last time we were in the area, in August, and this time has brought with him some friends and a box of cigars for the band. Truly awesome. He also decides he wants to videotape the show. Truly embarrasing, considering his posse are the only people in this mammoth strip-club-turned-music-joint. Whatever. We've played worse situations. And, with Pat on guitar we actually sound pretty interesting. We do our 90 minute set, get our loot, and get the hell outta Dodge before anyone else shows up and asks us to play longer.

Turns out hooking up with Pat Sweany has more than the obvious advantages. After the disasterous show, Mr. Sweany takes us down the road to the hiipest of hip spots in Kent, Oh: The Zephyr Pub. So this is where our fanbase has been hiding - in a dank little pub, swigging microbrews and debating Proust. Can't blame 'em. A few pitchers later and Team Diablos is none the worse for wear. Gig rating: 5.5 out of 10. Zephyr Pub: 8 out of 10. Pat Sweany: 12 out of 10.

Greener Pastures
Now that we've gotten Empty Room Syndrome out of our systems, we're off to Cincinnati and The Comet. I'd been hearing great things about this little gem from many people, especially The Reverend Peyton, whom we will be sharing the bill with tonight. Turns out the hype is mostly right on. The Comet is a funky joint that's equal parts neighborhood restaurant & urban bohemian watering hole. Plus, it's packed! the only thing working against it? Slowest bartenders in America. Probably Canada too. In fact, I think that's where they are going to get each goddamn beer. how's a respectable pub band supposed to get lit before they play under these circumstances?

As I mentioned, we're splitting the night with The Reverend Peyton and his Big Damn Band from Indianapolis. The Reverend has been one of the nicest, most helpful cyber-buddies a tour booker could ever ask for. We hit it off instantly online and he was throwing club names and booking agents at me faster than I could act on 'em. So to pay him back, I add him to The Comet bill. Good thing, since he brought in about 30% of the crowd. As you can tell by the photo to the left, The Reverend is not to be taken lightly. He, his wife Breezy (right) and brother Jamie, blaze through a dozen amped up Piedmont finger-pickers, lathering the kids up into a fiery frenzy and then leave us to clean up the shrapnel. I expect big things from The Rev. Amen. It was a sympatico double-bill and I truly hope we can do it again sometime.

Our set was spot on too. People dancing, requesting songs from the back catalog (gasp!). Plus, a local music critic dubs us the Hott (sic) Band of the Week. I love Cincinnati! Gig rating: 8.5 out of 10. Bar service: 3 out of 10.

We take Sunday night off and decide to stay in town. Travis, Josh and myself head into the hip part of town near University of Cincinnati to catch some very good Indian food (who knew in Cincinnati?!?) and a flick - Good Night and Good Luck. It's a very good movie and I highly recommend it to Josh. Why do you ask? Because after the opening credits, a woman who saw our show the previous night calls him up and invites him on a date! Dog. The only problem is that the movie ends and they are still on their date. So Trav and I have to stick around to see what happens. So we naturally hit a bar. I'll spare you the details, except to say Josh is on his usual air mattress at the foot of my bed in the morning. Date rating: 6 out of 10. Maybe if we get a song out of it at some point we can bring that rating up a bit...too bad nothing rhymes with Cincinnati.

Kentucky
This post is sure to be quite long. Not only because we spent a lot of time in the Bluegrass State on this tour, but because that time felt like 3 years.

We have Monday off as well and push on to Louisville to meet up with unfatigueable Laura Wallace, a promoter who digs us and wants to show us around. And show us around she does. I'll say this for Laura: she always gets where she's going - never the same way twice, mind you. Our first stop is one of this country's finest record stores: Ear X-Tacy. They are tirless promoters of indie music and super nice folks; a rare combination these days. Last time through the band did an in-store to help promote the show. This time we're just checking in with our man Bryan and shopping. John single handedly blows the tour budget on new CDs. No wonder we can never get ahead. After, we dine at Ramses on Bardstown Rd per Laura's recommendation. she knows her food. It's fabulous and I highly recommend it: 8.5 out of 10. 10 out of 10 if you take into consideration normal tour rations. That night we meet up with Laura and check out some of Louisville's fine night life. And fine it is. Bars open until 4am during the week?!?! This means trouble. We end up in one cool place so drunk that Josh oversteps even his classiness boundaries and totally offends Laura. Again, to be fair, I'll skip over the details, but Josh ends up not only running out into the parking lot to apologize, but calling Laura at her home at 4am to reiterate his guilt.
Kentucky Day #2 - This is one exciting day. Why? We pick Damon up from the airport!! Damon is our fiddle player and, man, have we missed him. He had a stage gig in RI over the holidays and so could only join us for the second half of the tour. We kill time hitting thrift stores and coffee houses until it's time to go get him and drive to Lexington. The photo above is John expressing the gratitude that everyone feels towards Damon's arrival. And John expressing some other stuff too.


Lexington on a Tuesday night. Deader'n a graveyard. But we're playing The Dame, another great room. This time we're paired up with a local singer-songwriter named Azniv and a local alt. country band called The Deehawks. Seems the only folks interested in original live music on a Tuesday night in Lexington are Azniv's loyal fanclub, and off-duty strippers (see right). Given the lowturnout, I must say I'm impressed at the response. Everyone danced to our set and complimented us afterward. Coulda been much worse (see Kent, OH). And Josh got a lapdance backstage...Gig rating: 7 out of 10. Lap dance rating: see Josh. After the show we get a tip from The Deehawks on an all-night eatery cum no-holds barred wrestling match. I kid you not - this place was full of every drunk frat boy in Greater Lexington hoping to hell they have some homeless people to beat up. Seriously sketchy. All I've got on my mind is "I hope Kentucky has stricter concealed weapons laws than you'd think." However, the Deehawks seem unfazed, so we roll with it. We escape with our lives. And some gravy fries.

Ok, back to Louisville. Try not to look at a map as you are reading this - our itinerary makes less sense if you visialize it.
Louisville is one unique (read: confused) town. there's all this gorgeous early 20th century architecture in some neighborhoods next to box stores and strip malls. They name their establishments things like Cox's Smokers (cigar store) and Don Fightmaster Playground without a hint of irony. To top things off, they named Fire The Saddle (the band we play with) the best bluegrass band of 2005. But Fire The Saddle, even by their own admission, don't play bluegrass. And IT'S THE GODDAMN BLUEGRASS STATE!. You think they'd figure that one out.


Actually, before we head back to Louisville I need to include this picture of Gollum. Not many people know that after Lord of the Rings there weren't many employment oppotunities for a 1000 year old jewelry addict. Leave it to us to hire him to play accordion. Anyway, you'll notice how chipper he is in the morning after a severe fast-food hangover. To the left is him in makeup...









Today is a big day for Josh. Actually, when all is said and done, and I'm reading Josh's eulogy in the year 2050, I may look back at Jan. 11, 2006 as the beginning of a new era. Laura has set up an appointment for Josh to meet one of the founders of Lebowski Fest. Now anyone who knows Josh knows that he is eternally bitter for not having thought of Lebowski Fest first. After all, he has devoted a good deal of his adult life (some estimates are as high as 73%) to the study and worship of The Big Lebowski. He even devotes a portion of his college courses to it's dissection and analysis. I'll say this, Will and his Lebowski store don't disappoint. There's something for the casual Lebowski fan as well as "Dudefreaks" like Josh. (In fact, he's probably home "studying the photo to your left right now). If I were a betting man, I'd say Josh is on the fast road to becoming the guy who brings a legitimate Lebowski Fest to Boston. Just a hunch. But I think he's plotting behind the scenes.



After the Lebowski store we're off to the hotel via White Castle. Somehow, when we passed it a couple days prior, I knew I was in store for this, but I assumed it would be at 3am after our show. Not in broad daylight. this could be trouble. Of course, several thousand burgers are ordered. Just look at how happy Travis is to the right. Fool. Once consumed back at the hotel, they leave 3/5 of the band unable to move for several hours. Our gig may be in jeopardy. Naps all around.


Around 7:30 we scrape ourselves out of bed and head to Uncle Pleasants, tonight's venue. As I mentioned, tonight we play with Fire The Saddle, who do not play bluegrass, but are nonetheless a fine groups of musicians who put on a super show and thankfully have lots of fans. Our set is received quite well - some dancers down in front (thank you) and an internet broadcast to the world to boot. On top of all this, the kind gentleman upstairs in the green room cooks us a superb middle eastern dinner. Like I said, not what you'd expect in Louisville, KY. We leave the bar bombed, and decide to hit the town with Laura to get bombder. Karaoke is what's hot and we're game. I'm told I sang Billy Idol...that's all I know about the rest of the evening.
We wake early to hit a coffee shop and then the long road to Knoxville. Bye Louisville. I'll miss your kind smile and freaky melancholy soul.

Laura Wallace and Diablos